By Dami Oshodi
If you’re a Nigerian trenches baby, get ready for a heavy dose of nostalgia and chuckles. While the rest of the world looks at our upbringing with bewilderment, we know the truth – growing up in these gritty urban landscapes was the ultimate character-building experience. And let’s be real, it was also downright hilarious.
From mastering the art of the “trenches squat” to developing lightning-fast reflexes for changing from Gen to NEPA light, let’s not forget sibling squabbles, we’re a different breed. The trenches have hardened us, sharpened us, and most importantly, blessed us with an unbreakable sense of humor. So buckle up, because these stories are about to have you laughing, nodding, and nostalgically reminiscing with the kind of laughter that can only come from someone who’s been there, done that, and earned their stripes in the trenches of Nigeria. Now let’s walk down memory lane.
1.Proudly showing off the new scar on your knee from the epic football match in the streets, exchanging tales of your latest battle wounds with your trenches crew. Street cred is everything.
2.Navigating big potholes the size of craters on your walk to school, dodging them like an Olympic hurdler. Forget smooth pavement – the trenches have their own unique off-road challenges.
3.Holding your breath as you pass by open sewers, while your mum yells “Cover your nose” The stench may be gut-wrenching, but you’re a pro at discreet nose-holding by now.
4.Watching your crisp white uniform turn a permanent shade of brown, no matter how many times you wash it. Dust, dirt, and soot are just part of the trenches aesthetic.
5.Celebrating when the lights actually stay on for longer than 2 hours, allowing you to finish your homework without straining your eyes. Candlelit evenings are just another cherished trenches tradition.
6.Knowing all the hidden alleyways and shortcuts like the back of your hand, using them to dart home to go and watch the 4pm cartoons shown on the rich neighbor’s Tv. Those narrow paths are your trenches superpowers.
7.Concocting imaginative excuses for your teacher about why your homework is crumpled and stained with okra soup – the dog ate it, it disappeared overnight, you forgot it at home etc. Trenches kids are master negotiators.
8.Mastering the art of the “trenches squat” for when nature calls in the great outdoors, just like your cousin showed you. Desperate times call for desperate measures!
9.Developing lightning-fast reflexes to dodge the danfo buses zooming down the road, just like your schoolmates. Those drivers don’t mess around!
10.Chuckling to yourself as your classmate complains about having to do the dishes at home, when you’ve been on dish duty since you could reach the sink. (You don’t know, you don’t know what’s going on) Trenches life builds character early on.
Bonus point: Identifying that one house that once there’s light there, you are most certain there’s light in your home as well, (to be fair some of us still do this 😂)
If these memories make you smile, embrace your trenches roots – they’ve made you the resilient, adaptable, and streetwise person you are today. Wear that badge of honor with pride because at the end of the day, the trenches will always be home.